I put the "fun" in "fundamentalism"!

We've been having a few interesting episodes with some, err, let's say not so mentally flexible people, in the last week or so. While I still found it funny that Pete got accused to be a filthy liberal (tehehe... that's an understatment), I just can't help but to think what'd happen if I'm an fundamentalist as well...

So, I set out to look for the Holy Text that is the bible, and start to find out what I'm supposed to quote to people, to be a good bible quoter.

Judges 11:34-40
I won't quote the whole thing here, basically Jephthah promised that Lord that if he wins a battle against his foe, he'll burn the first person that come out of his house to meet him as an offering. He won the battle, and when he went home, his daughter came out to meet him. So after agonising about burning his daughter, his daughter said she understood and will die to be an offering. She asked her father for one thing "Do this one thing for me. Leave me alone for two months, so that I can go with my friends to wander in the moutains and grieve that I must die a virgin."

And that's what they did.

Moral of the story: Don't make promise of the Lord about burning people. He has an interesting sense of humour.

Oh, and don't die a virgin. 'Tis indeed a sad sad thing.

Proverbs 23:9
"Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it"

This shall be the motto of all fundamentalist. It provides an excellent excuse for not explaining things that they can't explain.

I shall remember this to heart.

Leviticus 13:47-59
Wonderful passage about what to do with mildew on clothings. Did you know that if you have greenish or reddish mildew on clothing, you shoud show that to your priest? He shall put it away for seven days, and on the seventh day, if it had spread the priest would have to burn the article of clothings.

Moral of the story: Thou shalt use a dehumidifier. That was surely Lord's way to inspire us to invent it.

Leviticus 18:22
"No man is to have sexual relationships with another mad; God hates that"

I love the Today's English Version bible.

So they were right, God hates the gays. It said so in the bible. In the same section that talks about burning clothing with spreading mildew.

Lesbians are alright in his book. No mention of them anyway.

Seriously...
Being a Chrsitian myself, I realise some of the above might be a little bit harsh. The point remains: the Bible was inspired by God, and need to be read in context of the time when it was written. Listen to your conscience more, drink lots of water, eat well, exercise regularly, and love each other. Afterall, the word Christians implies following Christ's example, which is to love and serve each other, not quoting the bible and tell people they're wrong.